Reflections in a mirrored star

It is 2 days before Yule. I haven't written much on here about my personal goings ons. Probablly because I don't think it is of much interest to people if I do. Or maybe it is. But, I can guarantee you it has been filled with a lot of interesting tidbits here and there. A rollercoaster set on what seems to be downhill, for now.

Most of it is financial and some of it is just me trying to deal with my own inner demons and how I feel about life. Don't worry, it isn't morbid. Just reflections on my marriage, my children, my past, my present, my future.

Baroque Romance

A friend posted a link to another wonderful blog on my facebook page today and it inspired me to post more pictures of my decorating desires. Here is a montage of my desired bedroom look.  Unfortunately with my budget, I don't see it happening anytime soon. A girl can dream though, right?

The Thanks in Thanksgiving

Yes, I will follow suit and write what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. I say this on a regular basis to myself but now is a good time to let it all out. I think it is good to have perspective in life and being grateful for the blessings in your life is a good way to start.

I am thankful first and foremost for my husband. He has shown me what true love and sacrifice really mean. He gave me 2 beautiful children that have become the base of my existence. With out these 3 people, I would be nothing.

weened from the pump

After 5 months of exclusively pumping breastmilk for my son, i have finally weened off of it. Dacian is now exclusively breastfed and is doing great. I was having a hard time keeping my very rigid pumping schedule and it hurt my supply. I am back up and have been able to comfortably nurse in public and at Hueco Tanks State Park during a family photoshoot.

I worked diligently to make sure i provide my son with breastmilk. With a very high palate he was not able to latch without hurting me for 3 months. Then we had issues with biting and pulling. Now we have a perfect nursing relationship. Without my breast pump we would not be here today. I hope to inspire more moms to try and overcome their latch issues and develope a magical nursing relationship.

The World According to Dacian

This is a fun new blog. It is simply the daily musings of a baby boy growing up and discovering the world around him. Would you mind following and sharing with others?
http://accordingtodacian.blogspot.com/

Uses for Olive Oil

Here is a great listing of 20 uses for Olive Oil. I know it is essential in our house for our hair, skin and earaches. I do hear wonderful things about coconut oil too. I will try that out soon and let you know how it goes.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/19/alternative-uses-for-olive-oil_n_1102179.html?ref=green#s485247&title=Hairball_prevention

3 months!

So more like 3 months a few days but who's counting right? That's right. D is 3 months old now. Where has the time gone? I think the cookie monster ate it. You didn't know that the cookie monster eats time too? Oh he LOVES that shit. I catch him stealing it all the time. He does it in a way that is kind of like those floaty ghoul things in Harry Potter (ok nerds. Set to attack me now for not knowing what those things are) that steal your breath. Yep. Just like that. Cookie monster is evil I tell you. Pure unadulterated evil.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Baby Jogger POD Giveaway!

I covet this!! And you have the chance to win one!

http://blogs.babycenter.com/products_and_prizes/win-a-baby-jogger-pod-600-giveaway/

Baking Soda POWER!!

Oh yeah baby. I love my vinegar and now my baking soda. Here are great tips from Virtuowl.

Many of us spend too much money and too much time on household cleaning. Is it really necessary to have one product for the kitchen tiles and another for the bath? What about labour saving cooking tips? You'll find all sorts of helpful household hints here.

Smelly good stuffs!

I love Scentsy, candles, and just about anything smelly good. It is a bit of an obsession. I have backed off a little bit on the use of such things because I am aware of other people's possible sensitivities to such smells. My BFF is highly sensitive to scent and will get a migraine almost instantly with colognes, perfumes and other stuff that isn't natural or high quality. I also have a mantra now, "If I can't put it in my body, it isn't used in my house". The one exception is laundry soap.

Major Life Trials

Sorry I have been MIA for a few days. The fates have decided that the EcoGothFamily was doing too good and had to throw a wrench into our daily routine.

2 weeks ago our washing machine decided that it wanted to die on us. This is a very sucky situation for someone who cloth diapers. It wouldn't have been such a big deal because there are 2 laundromats right by us and to wash a load is only $.99. Since we line dry it would only take about 30 minutes every 2 days for us to do this, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, Bertha (our '03 Buick Century) thought it would be a good time for a new engine. Seriously?! My washing machine AND car die within 2 days of each other?

Eco-Friendly "swiffer" Alternatives

Having 2 dogs, living in the desert and having saltillo tile means I clean my floors a lot. I vaccuum every other day and try to swiffer every other day too just to pick up the dog hair and random dust that always finds its way into my house. But the swiffer pads are terribly expensive and you just throw it away. Also, I always seem to have run out of them when I need them the most. I used the Method brand ones for a while but those are more expensive and you still throw away.  I am tired of just throwing my money away with the dog hair.

Etsy Love and Other Link Awesomeness

Milkshare

Modgblog - a new favorite blog

Pumping Moms Blog

Ecofriendly Milk Storage bags

Purple Princess Dress - It is soooo me

Scodioli - Great shave soaps

Midnight Gypsy Alchemy - No need for words here if you know me

Cute and Creepy Hair bows

when it rains it pours shit

ok. i am trying desperately to keep my head up here. Sunday night Freddy was doing laundry and our washing machine broke. A serious thud, clunk, clunk and a grinding sound ensues. I get seriously ticked. I told him repeatedly to NOT wash all his jeans at once and do an extra large load. What does he do? Exactly that and now our machine dies.

Dacian at 7 weeks

Here is Turtle Boy at 7 weeks.

Elysian Organics Review

Elysian Organics Clove Soap

I got this soap in the mail today. i was soooooo excited to get it in. I was like a kid in a candy store. Clove organic vegan soap. My heart swooned at the idea. It came in a nice little box and was stuffed with nice organic material. And t...here it was. My treasure. The soap smelled divine! and I even got a little sample gift soap of warm vanilla (this btw smells great for a man). I was so anxious to shower today so I could test out my new treasure.

Dish soap succes! and "Breakfast for Your Skin"

That is today's adventures. I made my dish soap!! It smells so good in the house! I think for the first time ever (and do I mean EVER) I can't wait to do dishes and test it out. I did the recipe that I linked in a previous post and the essential oils I added were a few drops of Sandalwood and 1/2 teaspoon (could be more I didn't measure) of Rose.  I ended up using some Ivory soap because I haven't recieved my organic vegan soap yet and I needed to make the soap badly. I will update on the other soap when I make it.

Cloves, Breast Milk, Dish Soap and DIY Thank You Cards

What do all of these things have in common? They are my obsessive projects of today.

For the cloves:
My favorite scent in the world (next to my children of course) is the smell of cloves. No comments from the peanut gallery on how cliche goth that is. But, seriously. I love the smell of cloves. I even go to my spice cabinet about once a week just to take a big whiff of those wonderful little things.

Baby wipes and t-shirt bags (how I made them)

I needed cloth baby wipes desperately (for some reason the flannel ones I made keep disappearing and were too small anyway) and I didn't want to spend any more money (did I mention how cheap I am?).  I also needed a few multipurpose bags but also didn't feel like spending any amount of money. I have heard of using old t-shirts for using cleaning wipes and read on a few blogs that old t-shirts work great for baby wipes too.

Awesome links? I think so!

Goths in Corporate Workplace

Inhabitots

The Leaky Boob - No, not my own

EcoFriendly Green Things

EcoGothMom on Facebook

Yes. I have joined the masses in social networking. I of course have my personal page but if you dont feel like being THAT personal with me you get be more connecte with the EcoGothFamily via Facebook.

EcoGothMom Facebook Page

brother and sister

1001 ways to use vinegar

1001 ways to use vinegar

Really?! I am going to challenge myself to find a use for white distilled vinegar everyday for the next year (minus laundry and regular cleaning). Want to join me?

Offbeat Mama

I am so sad I didn't find these sites sooner. I found GREAT support on TheBump but it would have been nice to find Offbeat Mama during my pregnancy. Better late than never.

Offbeat Mama is a wonderful resource for anyone with any type of alternative parenting style, such as eco-friendly, attachment parenting, cloth diapering as well as parents of an alternative lifestyle such as goth, punk, hippy, gay/lesbian/bi, etc.

It is full of all kinds of win!! Check out these sites.

Offbeat Mama
Offbeat Bride
Offbeat Home

More awesome links

Why mommies kiss their babies

Boobie Beanies

Local article on Milk Donation

France's Roma still running from Sarkozy (when will this end?)

Goth Coffee

Raising Weird Kids

Crying it out and co-sleeping

If you do this, I think you are an asshole. Sorry to be rude but seriously?! You can just sit there and listen to your baby scream for you to comfort him/her and you blatantly ignore it because you want to get some more sleep?

Dusting off!

Um, yeah. I have been a bit MIA on the blogging. Sorry about that. It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks.

Since I went back to work 3 weeks ago it has been crazy trying to figure out our routine around here. Work has been a rollercoaster. A lot of changes for the good going on but the transitio is tough. I am trying to stick through it. But, it has left me exhausted.

Baby wearing failure and success

We have been trying desperately to figure out  way to carry Dacian around hands free pretty much since he was born. I have looked at, researched, tried on all kinds of carriers. The Ergo Baby, Moby wrap, Infinito. Nothing suited us quite the way wanted.

The Moby looks great but seems complicated. I know it gets easier after a few times but it also looks really hot. We live in the southwest desert. This would not work for us. Even inside.

The Ergo, Infinito and other brands are just too bulky and didn't fit Freddy or I the way that we would like and to wear around the house it just didn't seem possible. And again, hot.

I was so excited to get a Hotsling online on a diaper swap page on Facebook for only $20. It didn't fit. Even though it was the size that the website suggested based on my measurements. So, I made it bigger and even adjustable for me and Freddy both. Failure. Dacian hates to be on his back. Also he doesn't like being swaddled. Held yes, swaddled no. I also didn't like the way it put so much weight on my upper back. I have back problems as it is having a nine pound baby and huge boobs just didn't work.

So, I was looking around again. Then I came across a Mai Tei. I have heard of these but never saw one. I looked at a few different sites and thought this is it. This is the perfect carrier for us. Just basic fabric and holds Dacian exactly the way he likes to be held. Upright and on our chests. But,  they are expensive!! I don't have $70 + to spend right now.

So, my crafty self made my own. I used left over materials from when I reupholstered my furniture (cotton quilting material), leftover minky dot (for padding inside shoulder straps and head support), and a piece of stiffened felt (for head support).

An hour and a half later we have baby wearing success!! It fits both Freddy and myself perfectly, Dacian loves it. We are hands free sitting, standing, walking, cooking, whatever!

I will be making more and selling them for $40 - $50. All custom made and in the colors, material patterns you want.

Lactation Tips

Repost from "Gypsy Magic" blog. I love this blog and I am so glad she posted this now when I need it the most. So to all my lactating moms out there.

http://gypsymagicspells.blogspot.com/2011/07/lactation-tips.html

Certain foods - known as galactagogue foods - are known to stimulate the production of breastmilk. Here's a partial list: apricots, asparagus, green beans, carrots, sweet potatoes, peas, pecans, wheat germ, and oatmeal.

All leafy greens such as beet greens, parsley, watercress, and dandelion leaves are considered helpful in increasing and sustaining lactation.

Here are some herbs to keep in mind that will help you make more milk just remember very important use organic herbs and don't over do: fennel, dill, barley, basil, fenugreek, cumin. Play it safe and use organic herbs and also small amounts and a variety of herbs not just one.

Borage leaves – The leaves of this herb are highly regarded as a tea for increasing milk flow. Half a cupful of borage tea at each nursing insures an abundant supply of milk, acts as a mild laxative, and soothes jangled nerves.

Dill - For pregnant women or those breast feeding, dill is recommended because it enhances the vitality and the general tonus, it increases the appetite, it stimulates lactic secretion and improves milk quality. Dill also helps the baby to get rid of colic.

Carrots not only stimulate lactation, but have a role in improving the quality of the milk.

Fennel/Barley Water - Prepare barley water by soaking 1/2 cup pearled (regular) barley in 3 cups cold water overnight or by boiling for 25 minutes. Strain out barley and discard or add to a soup. Heat a cup or two of the barley water to boiling as needed, store the rest in the refrigerator. Pour 1 cup boiling barley water over 1 teaspoon fennel seeds and steep for no longer than 30 minutes. The combination not only increases the breast milk, but eases after-pains and settles the digestion of mom and babe.

Also don't forget:

• Water – drink lots of water - at least 10 to 12 cups per day!
• Rest – Nap during the day this will increase your milk supply. When the body is weary, it will not be so inclined to produce milk.
• Food - Eat a healthy balanced diet

I Love G-Diapers!!

That is all.

No, seriously. I really do love G-Diapers. And no, we have not tried the disposable inserts either. We are cloth. Now that we got the swing of things they are really pretty awesome. Even Freddy loves them. Yay for G-Diapers!!

Breastfeeding Follow-Up

I posted when I was pregnant that I don't understand the whole bonding thing with breastfeeding yadda yadda yadda. I was having a low in my pregnancy depression at that point.

Well, here we are 4 weeks post-partum and are still trying to at breast feed. I say "at breast feed" because I am exclusively pumping right now. Every other day I try to breastfeed at the breast but Dacian has a high palate so feeding him via breast if very painful. He also always falls asleep at the breast too.

I know that I don't want to give my child formula. Too many horror stories (though don't get me wrong, I will if I have to but if I don't then I wont) for my liking. So, pumping exclusively is what we are doing. I have had my moments of doubt and frustration but I think I am finally finding out what works for me/us.

Here are my tips to successful and enjoyable pumping.

1. Timing. When I first started I was pumping every 2 hours. This was to build my supply. It worked wonders. I would make sure I would empty each breast using the pump, massage and compression (basically I would squeeze the hell out of my boob to make sure every drop came out). 

Now I am at every 3-4 hours (I take a clue from my breasts when it is time though I don't go longer than 4 hours). At the end of each pumping session I do a minute or two of hand expression to clue my breasts into the aereola compression that BFing would entail. There is always some milk left over that the pump didn't get.

2. Hands free. I made myself a hands free pumping bra by cutting quarter size holes in an old sports bra. This allows the flanges to fit and my hands to be free. By doing this I am able to eat, drink, feed Dacian, write blogs, watch TV or even doze off for a bit. Because I can do all this I can relax and just let the pump do it's work. I am pumping about an ounce more then I usually do in the same amount of time. I feel more sessions of let-down and the stress of getting the session done is gone.

3. Pumping/Feeding station. You read about BFing moms having a feeding station with drinks, snacks, pillows and anything else you might need for your feeding session. I apply this same principle. This has been made a lot easier with my hands free pumping bra. I make sure everything is where I need it when I need to ensure pure relaxation. I don't dread my pumping sessions anymore and freak if I need to get something.  It is all here. I am now able to eat healthier because I am not grabbing what is convenient when I can. I make sure I have my snacks and drink here with me. Great distraction btw for relaxation.

4. Manual Pump. I still have my Ameda manual pump for on the go convenience. If for any reason I need to give him a bottle and I ran out of milk I can pump some real quick and give it to him. Even if it is just a little snack he wants. This is a life saver. I have pumped in the car, at a club, at a swapmeet and grocery store.

This is what has helped me get over my frustrations with breastfeeding. It may not be the "ideal", but then again, I don't even know what really is "ideal" anymore. However, my son is getting the best nature can provide. Freddy, Valeska and anyone else can bond with him during feedings and cuddles afterwards. We can all revel in the "milk drunk" state that ensues after a good meal. I will continue exclusively pumping for as long as I am able to do so.

Maybe being "at breast" isn't always best.

Gothic Clothing Marketplace???

Oh yes!!!

I am so glad I ran accross this site. Great used/new gothic clothing that is being up/recycled. WIN!!

Velvet Garden

Hippy Goth

*GIGGLE*

2 Weeks Post-partum

EGADS! It has been 2 weeks since Dacian was born. (well tomorrow will be anyway) And it has been so much fun. He loves to sleep on his tummy, is very quiet when he is awake and he just loves to look at everything (at least what is within his visual range anyway), he is already a mama's boy. He falls asleep almost immediately when I try to breastfeed him so we bottle feed breast milk right now, he loves to co-sleep and admittedly so do I. He makes the best milk-drunk faces. Freddy and I just love to watch him in this stage. He has 2 dimples that I am absolutely in love with, his nose is slightly crooked and he has very red highlights in his hair just like me.

Fun links

Since Uncle Tony took Valeska for a day of fun, Freddy is at work and Dacian is sleeping I start scouring the interwebs for some fun stuff that would pertain to this blog. Here is what I found. Have fun

The Veggie Goth - Yep, not all of us like bloody meat

175 Type of Goth - Good for a giggle

Gothic.net - A great resource for just about everything pertaining to a goth lifestyle

Pennangalan - Major DROOL!!!!

Eco-Friendly Goth Wedding Ideas - I can't tell you how much I love this

Goth Wedding Planner - Just because I love her blog so much too

I have been insired

I am not exactly sure how to go about starting this venture but I think here is a good start. I want to start showing people (in my community) how easy, affordable and convenient cloth diapering is. El Paso, TX happens to have a lot of very low income families. Because of this a lot of the families are unable to afford diapers. It is either eat or diaper my child. This is a critical problem here and I hope to improve this dire situation with a bit of my knowledge and growing experience.

Product Review Friday

I have decided to use this blog not just to update people or give them insight into what a goth family does but also to give my honest opinion on products that affect us an eco-family. So, every Friday I will review one or two products that are relevant and will hopefully help you figure out if said product is for you and your family.

Due Date!!!

So today is my due date. I don't particularly miss being pregnant but I am missing the anticipation. We as preggos go so long waiting for our little one to arrive and then once the big day comes we are overjoyed. And then we get so busy with everything that goes with taking care of a new human being we tend to over look the fun we had anticipating the arrival of said little human.

The day we started all over again

Whew!! What a whirlwind week we have had here at the ecogoth house. I haven't had time to really update everyone on what has been going on. Now that I have made breakfast, started some laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, fed and pumped, and pulled out another tooth, I have just a moment (maybe two if I am lucky) to post about our eventful week.

Last day of pregnancy forever

Yep. This is my last day of  being pregnant ever again. I am obviously not known for being the shiny happy pregnant woman. I have had a lot of pain and issues with this pregnancy and the last one. It has made my life a bit unbearable. If I didn't have the mental issues such as pregnancy depression I might have been better equipped to handle the physical pain. The triggers for the depression are still there but I am getting stronger and better able to deal with them. So I am doing better with that. Talking with other bumpies has helped tremendously. I don't feel alone. I don't feel like a pariah. I feel comforted in a world of unrest and uncertainty. I have gotten close with other June moms because of it. So, in a way I am grateful. I don't like that any of us are dealing with it but in that there is comfort. I am grateful.

Nostalgic, hormonal and sad

I don't know particularly why but today I am having a bit of "a day". I had a wonderful breakfast with my BFF and my family. She brought over the photos (see post below) and I LOVE them. I love them so much in fact that it is making me nostalgic. Not just memories from my past but also for the memories we are now creating. It is 39 hours until Dacian comes and I don't know how exactly our lives are going to change but I am anxiously awaiting it. Valeska will not longer be a single child but a big sister.  We will no longer be a family of 3 +2 dogs but family of 4 +2 dogs.  Freddy will not be solely Valeska's daddy but a daddy to Valeska and Dacian. Things are going to change and I know only for the better.

Maternity/Family Photoshoot

Thanks to my BFF and Bella Fine Arts Studio we got the most amazing photos taken at 38 weeks. She convinced me this was a good idea and even though I didn't think it was, it turned out that I am very very thankful for them. These are memories that I know I will treasure for life. Enjoy.

Valeska's green thumb

I am so proud of my baby girl. She planted some seeds at school and brought home the sprouts. Here they are when she brought them home.

 Here are the sprouts 4 days later. She has quite the green thumb. What a great addition to all of our other green family members. :D Aries seems to think they are pretty cool too!

.

What's in a name?

Freddy and I are both proud people. We love our culture and heritages. We also love each others which this day in age seems to be a rare thing. I find it fascinating that he is Apache/Mexican and he finds it intriguing that I am Czech Roma/Sicilian.

When we decided to have our first child we knew that there were certain criteria the name had to meet.
1. Must represent each culture
2. Must have a strong/powerful meaning
3. Must sound rhythmic/beautiful
4. Must be a real and not made up name
5. Must "look" beautiful/strong (you know how some names just look beautiful when spelled out?)

Bittersweet

While watching tv with Freddy and Valeska tonight I started wiggling Valeska's first loose tooth. I noticed the other day that her adult tooth is coming in from behind the baby one so I wanted to get it out.  We were giggling and laughing at how loose it was getting. Then I decided  to start pulling it.

38 weeks

Yesterday I had my maternity/family photoshoot with my BFF Sani. She is an amazing photographer. As much as I don't "normally" like pictures taken of me she convinced me that I might regret not having them done. So we did it. And even though Freddy hates having pictures taken, we all had a great time. I can't wait to see the finished product.

End of my rope

Saturday afternoon I am laying in bed just chillin after work. I am very excited to be on maternity leave and to relax for the next 9 days until have the c-section on the 13th. Then I sneeze. It is a pretty big sneeze and normally would actually feel kind of good. But this SOB hurt me really bad. I don't know exactly how but it aggravated my SPD symptoms so bad that I was instantly crying. It felt like my pubic bone shattered.

Repeat c-section

I really should have written this on Wednesday but I suppose now is as good of  a time as any.

I have been having a harder and harder time doing anything without pain due to the SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunction). My braxton hicks contractions are very constant (though not consistent) and are getting stronger. This is putting a lot of pain on my pubic bone. Because of this I have decided that doing a natural labor would be too excrutiating for me. So I would end up having an epidural (which I soooo wanted to avoid). These have been shown to slow down labors and since I am notorious for having long labors and the restrictions put on me for my VBAC to progress picture perfect or I would end up having a c-section, I decided to cut out the middle man and schedule my repeat c-section.

Valeska's 1st grade graduation/SIL's B-day/37 weeks!!

Today I was a hormonal, over-emotional, crying mom today. My baby girl had her 1st grade award and graduation ceremony. Besides the fact that there were a ton of really annoying parents, I was in a ton of pain and hungry like a mofo and I couldn't stop being emotional, it was beautiful. She got her A/B honor roll trophy (should have been all A honor roll but one quarter she got a B in phys ed. Really Valeska? In phys ed?), certificate of completion for 1st grade and a creative writing certificate. Freddy and I are both extremely proud and beaming parents.

PPD

I came accross this site via a board on The Bump. I am so glad someone posted this as I think it is going to be a huge help for me and therefore I think I should share it with all of you.

http://postpartumprogress.typepad.com/weblog/2009/11/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english-1.html

Memorial Day Fun

Today I FINALLY got to spend some time with my BFF. She was having a bbq swimming party with her husband and another family from a church that they attend. Valeska is friends with their little girl so it was perfect timing since she has been a little bored at home.

7th Generation

I bought the all purpose cleaner from 7th Generation the other day. I love their dishsoap so I thought I would try it over the Method we have been using. My review is this...........it smells bad. I also did not find that it cleaned any better than the Method. I will not use this again. Even Freddy was wondering what the aweful smell was. *sigh*

My BFF told  me about this Malalueca stuff. I will purchase and then give my review.

Bad, bad, bad 7th Generation. Shame on you for being so stinky.

Vamplets

http://www.vamplets.com/

That is all I have to say about that. SO, full of win!

Time to complain

Obviously by what you may have read, I am not a happy go lucky preggo. I hate pregnancy and flame me all you like for this but I could give a hottananny less what you may think without feeling what I feel.

Here is my complaint list right now because I am soooooo over it.

Cankles. Seriously?

This has to be THE worst pregnancy symptom ever. SPD is painful and almot unbearable. Skin breakouts icky as they are can be managed. But cankles? Oh no sir!! I look like I broke my ankles (minus the bruising). Now this is after taking it "easy" today. Vanity is definately taking over on this one. I can't stand this. I have to face the world looking like this?

Trying to be lazy

It is so hard to keep yourself from doing things. I really should be taking it easy but, it is just so hard to do so. Yes the pain is bad. I have this overwhelming urge to keep cleaning and I feel like I need to prepare more.

I put together the baby bag for the hospital and started getting things together for my own hospital bag. Here is my checklist so far:

Supposed to be the strong one

So why am I breaking today? The shards of past pains are stabbing at my heart today. I haven't felt like this in soooo long.

I slept very well last night. I took a Zantac for the acid reflux and heartburn. It worked like a charm. I also took a Tylenol 3 so I could get some sort of relief from the pain of my SPD. I was even enjoying feeling Dacina moving around. 

To my angels far and near

Mommy misses you. I love you past the moon and more than the stars.

I know one day we will be together again. No matter how much time passes I only love you more with each passing minute. You are still my everything and my favorite.

Countdown Begins

Had my 35 week appt today. I was asked if I had any more questions (I bombarded the Doc last time with questions). I didn't have any. I had been constantly measuring a week ahead and now he is right on track. Disappointing in a way because now rather than thinking I will be early (around the 10th) I am thinking he is going to be a stubborn butt and be late (le sigh). I really don't want to go another 5 weeks.

35/35

Today is my 35/35. I am 35 weeks preggo and have 35 days left to go till my due date. I still say I am 2 weeks ahead of that but I will go by the doctors.

The stress is now setting in a bit about work. Not sure how all of this is going to work out but I know we will figure out something.

Hormonal me at the hospital

Today Freddy and I went to the hospital today to preregister and to take another tour of the Labor and Delivery ward. When we originally did the tour the lady had taken us a backdoor kind of way and it confused the heck out of us. Neither of us knew where we were or how to even get to L&D. lol. She had told us to preregister a month prior to my due date. So, today we went. We did find out that we are to register the day I am admitted. Um, ok. So Freddy and I are supposed to fill out paperwork while I am having contractions? If you say so.

Dove in Dacian's Room

I wasn't able to post this for a while due to Blogger having issues. So, sorry it is late but here it is.

Sitting on the couch after Freddy leaves. Aries and I see a white thing blow into the upstairs hallway. Thinking it might be a piece of paper blow from Valeska's room from the wind, I go upstairs to put it away and close the window. Aries finds it before i get up there and goes to Dacian's room. What did he find? A dove! All windows and door are closed in the house. We have NO CLUE how he got in there. He is so cute though.

33 weeks and Gorilla Head

Here I am at 33 weeks. And yes, I am sure I have 7 weeks until my due date.

Here we go again

I feel myself slipping again. I have been so happy but I knew it couldn't last long. I think my trigger this time is Freddy and my pain. This constant pain from SPD is draining. I can't seem to get any relief from it. I really don't see going 7 more weeks with this and then I think the only way to ensure that it isn't a full 7 weeks is to have a c-section and I DON'T want that if I don't absolutely have to. Horrible spiral it is.

Another Room to Tackle

I promised Valeska that we would redo her room to make it a "big girl" room. She gets to choose the theme or color scheme and I would help her. I was looking at Etsy yesterday and found a really cute Nightmare Before Christmas crib set. I would have gone with this if I didn't find the pirate theme for Dacian's room first. Oh well. Valeska said she wanted a NBC room (without Oogie Boogie). I posted this on FB and a sweet friend is giving Valeska a good amount of her old NBC stuff. So, we will be doing her room in a NBC and Monster High theme. Her favorite is Frankie Stein so I will run with that.

Osama Bin Laden is DEAD!

I hate to celebrate the death of another human being but, this is not the death of a human, this is the death of hate.

Last night America found out that the mastermind behind the on 9/11 attacks on the US was killed by the US military.

I was setting up Valeska's new shelves that we got at a garage sale and her new desk all the while cleaning out her room to redo it. I came downstairs to check my email one last time before heading to bed, Freddy turned on the TV and President Obama was making an emergency address to America. He announced about 3 minutes later that Osama Bin Laden  is dead. I nearly went into labor right then and there!!

I know this isn't the end of the war but hopefully the beginning of the end. Ironically this day in 1945 Adolf Hitler was pronounced dead. This was the best Beltane EVER!!

what nots and wheres hows

No real super exciting news to report from here. It's been a slightly busy week. Had a good Eostre with Valeska. We colored eggs and she found them in the morning. We lounged about all day until Freddy came home. Then we lounged some more.

Took Valeska for a dental check up on Tuesday. Found out she has one cavity thanks to Freddy and all of his enabling of sweets.

Emotional Rollercoaster

You just might think that I would write about another "episode" of depression. Actually, i'm not. Today was such a wonderful day in so many ways.

I woke up in an absolutely wonderful mood. I had an eclair and milk for breakfast (shut up as if you never did that when you were pregnant). I hopped onto The Bump. Decided to write a bit of my mommy history (as pointed out below) for those who were asking. Then the responses started coming in. They began to inspire me. These wonderful women who are first time moms with all their fears and how they might deal with the darkest moments a mother could face. The wonderful moms who have more then one child that face the same fears. It connected us, and I was thankful that I could be a kismet friend to the one who inspired me to write it.

31 weeks

Today I am 31 weeks pregnant. It seems like FOREVER to get to this point. Had a great doctor's appointment today. We made the final decision to go for a VBAC. This is the best option for me. I don't see any reason this can't be successful. I am happy yet scared at the same time. Though I am not sure (honestly) which scares me more. A VBAC or a repeat C/S.

A better week

It is kind of nice not keeping such a dark secret anymore. Now that more people know I don't have to pretend as much. That is a huge load off my shoulders. I don't have "act" happy when I am not. It is definately a relief.

Freddy has been extremely supportive though he doesn't even really know how to deal with it. He is trying and that is the best that he can do. I do love him dearly.

Some Clarification

I appreciate all the out pouring of support since I wrote the last post. I would like to make it clear that I did not decide to take anyone on my journey in hopes of getting pity. I wrote it to HELP other pregnant women. To let them know that it is ok. That they are not alone. This is a soul baring and very difficult thing for me. I will write things that you wont agree with, that you will judge me for and that you will think is irrational. And, they are irrational feelings. That is EXACTLY what depression does to you. It makes things that you know you wouldn't feel normally into something completely irrational. I know this. But, when the beast consumes you,  you fixate. That is what it has done to me. So, now I will go into things deeper so maybe those who aren't there, might be able to understand just a little bit more.

Pregnancy Depression

I was really hesitant about writing down my feelings. I didn't think people would care or would just think that I am being "hormonal". Hell, I even thought that. But, in talking with another fellow bumpy I realize that this could really help. Not only myself  but maybe someone else who might feel alienated due to her feelings. So, here I go.

Finished (almost) Nursery

Just need to finish painting doors, put up vinyl wall decal and put in the diaper pail. I have put the changing pad on the dresser, just no pics with it.

All furniture is upcycled in the room except the crib and mattress.

Breast feeding vs. Formula feeding

When I found out I was pregnant I knew adamantly that I wanted to  be a "crunchy" mom. I knew I wanted to cloth diaper, breastfeed, make my own baby food, yadda yadda yadda.

Now that I am getting closer to actually having him I am rethinking all of my choices except one, cloth diapering. That I will do, hands down, no questions. I am however debating this breastfeeding thing.

Treasure (toy) Chest

Here is my gorgeous upcycled cedar chest. 2 coats of paint, treasure map material and 2 hours later I got exactly what I was wanting.

Treasure Map Blanket and Burp Cloths

No Pirate Prince would be set to sail the 7 seas (or dreams) without their trusty treasure map. Dacian is no different. Today I made him a treasure map blanket and 4 burp cloths.

Decorating Updates

Here is the beginning of my wall. I have also started the fireplace (mind you I cannot paint the walls at this time). I will hopefully have the big 12' shelf  on another wall finished by next weekend. :D

I need to add a ton more frames, candle holders and the branches. At least I have a start. (Sorry for the crooked picture, makes everything look lopsided)

Flips, Kicks and Crying

Valeska is growing up way too fast. Every day she makes me laugh and just plain amazes me. She is such a compassionate and sweet person. We were watching Megamind and she started crying at the beginning because the baby had to leave his parents. She then proceeds to come cuddle with me and tells me that she will live with me forever and so will Dacian.  How sweet. It made me cry.

Dacian has been on the move the past few days. He has kicked pretty hard in the ribs and it hurts like hell. I think he is also doing flips. Ugh.

Inspirations and Dreams part 2

A quiet night with no TV and listening to Nox Arcana.

Inspirations and dreams

If only I had the money or lived in an area of the world where people throw away marvelous things. These are some pics I found on the interwebs that are my "yes pleases", inspirations and what my decorating dreams are made of. Hopefully it will all manifest some day.

Tables and Frames

Here is a photo update to how the coffee table, end tables and frames are looking for the living room.

Coffee table and end table given to me by my BFF. She was going to take them to Goodwill.

Before

Old frames that I couldn't stand anymore and wanted to throw away.

In the process of transformation.

Cofee table and end tables after.

Finished frames to be forthcoming.

Upcycled Chairs

I had 2 chairs that came with my kitchen table a couple of years ago. These were in used condition and just needed some paint and TLC. An old neighbor had given it to us when he moved out. I of course took them. I repainted the table and had gotten 4 other chairs for $25 a while ago. So, my dining room as been done for a while. My conundrum was that I still had these 2 other chairs just sitting in my house.

They of course were just a nice wood and needed to be reupholstered and didn't match my decor at all. I didn't want to get rid of them but was getting severely annoyed with them at the same time.

Yesterday I bought some new material in the damask print that I love and got a gallon of black semi-gloss paint at Lowe's for $24.

Last night I was so excited to start the project. Even though I was exhausted I painted the chair bases and reupholstered the seats with new padding and the material.

I am now absolutely in love with my chairs. They create a beautiful accent to my newly (in process) designed  living room. Tonight and tomorrow I will upcycle the wooden coffee table and end tables that my BFF gave me.