Saturday, June 11, 2011

Nostalgic, hormonal and sad

I don't know particularly why but today I am having a bit of "a day". I had a wonderful breakfast with my BFF and my family. She brought over the photos (see post below) and I LOVE them. I love them so much in fact that it is making me nostalgic. Not just memories from my past but also for the memories we are now creating. It is 39 hours until Dacian comes and I don't know how exactly our lives are going to change but I am anxiously awaiting it. Valeska will not longer be a single child but a big sister.  We will no longer be a family of 3 +2 dogs but family of 4 +2 dogs.  Freddy will not be solely Valeska's daddy but a daddy to Valeska and Dacian. Things are going to change and I know only for the better.

I am nostalgic for what the far future holds with Dacian and Valeska and how their relationship with grow/change once we are gone. Nostalgic for when Valeska was born and how she changed Freddy. For the what will happen to Freddy once Dacian arrives. It is all magical and wonderful  and I know this and I want to take in and absorb every moment from now on and not take life or moments for granted.

Yes, all of this stemming from photos I have never had.

I am of course hormonal. I am after all  almost 39 weeks pregnant, with bad SPD pain, severely swollen legs and 100+ degree heat.

And I am sad and angry with myself for not taking in more moments from the past. Taking for granted that I would always have the memories clear as day. For Freddy being the same as me. I wish I had a picture for every magical moment and memory. I don't. I vow to change that. I vow to give my children the memories of their mother.

These songs and movies are what is on my mind today.
WARNING!!!! You WILL cry! If you don't, you don't have a heart.


  1. I feel you! I just sent off 400. Yes 400 pictures to be developed last night. I was seriously slacking :/

    Good luck. I am so excited to see little Dacian!

  2. Holy moly!! That is a lot of photos.

    I am too. I fianlly was able to "picture" what he might look like. I haven't been able to do that this whole pregnancy. It helps me feel more connected. Shortly we will find out if I am right :D