Thursday, April 21, 2011

Emotional Rollercoaster

You just might think that I would write about another "episode" of depression. Actually, i'm not. Today was such a wonderful day in so many ways.

I woke up in an absolutely wonderful mood. I had an eclair and milk for breakfast (shut up as if you never did that when you were pregnant). I hopped onto The Bump. Decided to write a bit of my mommy history (as pointed out below) for those who were asking. Then the responses started coming in. They began to inspire me. These wonderful women who are first time moms with all their fears and how they might deal with the darkest moments a mother could face. The wonderful moms who have more then one child that face the same fears. It connected us, and I was thankful that I could be a kismet friend to the one who inspired me to write it.

I found out that more and more moms have found inspiration to open up publicly about their own struggles/dealings with depression either when they are pregnant or not.  That touched me. I was able to inspire others. I created a platform for them to open up. To help them not feel alone. In turn, I felt like I wasn't alone. Although they do not know it, they helped me. It helped me feel more secure and not so much like a "freak".  Thank you to every single one of them. Thank you. I am eternally indebted to you for allowing me the freedom to open up and to share my life with you and thank you for understanding. I am always here for you.

I went to work for a short period today (we are closed for the Easter weekend). The moms and I had a great laugh. I love my job. We then went to the store and got dinner. Had veggie burgers with sundried tomatoes, grilled artichoke hearts and swiss, beats and watermelon.  It was DELISH!!

I then hop onto facebook to see that someone I know, not really a friend per se but someone that I have had contact with for a few years, is struggling mentally/emotionally too. I have seen this for a while. I notice the things that this person says that sets off clues. I don't know the full details of what exactly has happened or exactly how this person is feeling but it is DAMNED obvious this person needs help. All the comments from people are the typical "pick yourself up, we all fall now and again", "dude, I am here for you", "stop being so dramafied", "your just being a whiney brat", etc.  This PISSED me off. I am not even a great friend of this person and even I can see this person needs help. I wont go into detail as to keep their identity secret but I then send them a message showing my personal, unselfish, understanding support.

I can't believe the gall of some people. How truly selfish are you to say you are a "friend" and yet do NOTHING to help them out. I can't stand hypocritical asses like that. I am so glad I cleared my life out of the unnecessary. This really made such a great day go downhill very fast. I really can't explain the disgust I have for the putrid bile that is spilled out people's mouths.

Then I begin to see what I have done to others. I am just as guilty, though I would like to believe that I would always be there for someone. Maybe I haven't, maybe I never made it really clear that I truly am there for them. So, yes, unfortunately I am just as guilty as the snakes I hate. I refuse to let myself continue on that path.

Now, I start to think about the inspirational mothers and women I know either in real life or online. I get emotional about being a mom and the sacrifices that you never know you would make until you hold your baby in your hands. Until you see them breath and dream. You never know what true love really is until you see the one that you would sacrifice your own life for.  You never know a love so deep that it cuts at the very core of your soul. That only comes with being a parent.

So yes, a rollercoaster. A good one at that. Lessons learned and lives touched.


  1. I know what you mean. I keep most of my cards close to my chest, and it's because I HATE that people are oh so willing to offer advice that they themselves don't even believe in. I also hate that placating "I'm here for you" when I barely know the person that typed it. I have someone on my friends list that I haven't seen in over 5 years, yet they act like we are best friends that hang out every day. I bust my tail feathers to keep us afloat, and I can't even post a joke or what I had for dinner without them piping in. I see where you're coming from, but I see the other side. I got to help a friend that's married to a former friend of mine, and I'm glad my insight helped.

    Sorry if this makes no sense. It does to me, and that almost scares me. Damn preggo brain! LOL!

  2. Hahah. Is that person me?

    It makes perfect sense. You still helped at that is the important thing. I just really hate false commitment. I am a bit jaded from losing one of my best friends this year due to no fault of my own. Oh well