Monday, May 2, 2011

Here we go again

I feel myself slipping again. I have been so happy but I knew it couldn't last long. I think my trigger this time is Freddy and my pain. This constant pain from SPD is draining. I can't seem to get any relief from it. I really don't see going 7 more weeks with this and then I think the only way to ensure that it isn't a full 7 weeks is to have a c-section and I DON'T want that if I don't absolutely have to. Horrible spiral it is.

Freddy is a great husband and father. Don't get me wrong. I feel that when I try to talk to him about things, anything, he just isn't interested. Like I bother him. He would rather be dealing with his jewelry and stones. For instance, I was trying to ask him about something today and he gets on the phone during this to find out the cost of silver. Really? You couldn't say "hold on a sec I need to find this out" or just wait a damn minute and then call? He is always texting someone else and never putting a full moment in for me. I am beginning to feel extremely lonely. I know that calls are important but can't I get some full attention some time? It is like this from the moment he wakes up around 7 am to the time he goes to bed around 11pm.

I don't want to be needy but I seriously need him right now.

I am also very overwhelmed. When can I just say no to people? I think I want to just go and cry right now. I hope this doesn't stick as long as the last wave did.


  1. I have no wisdom to share, but offer so many prayers for you that you can find peace during this tough time.

  2. Thanks hun. Today just got from bad to worse. I hope tomorrow is better.

  3. Jeff used to be like that. He still sometimes checks his work email from his phone while he's driving, and I want to kill him for it.

    We agreed that if I had something important to talk about with him, he handed the phone over to me, and the computer and TV got turned off completely. It bugged him at first, and he'd get annoyed about 30 seconds into the conversation, but once he realized how much he was missing, he was less reticent when I asked for these conversations.