Sunday, June 19, 2011

The day we started all over again

Whew!! What a whirlwind week we have had here at the ecogoth house. I haven't had time to really update everyone on what has been going on. Now that I have made breakfast, started some laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, fed and pumped, and pulled out another tooth, I have just a moment (maybe two if I am lucky) to post about our eventful week.

As you know I was scheduled to have a repeat c-section on June 13th. And well, that is exactly what happened. We dropped off Valeska and the furbabies at Sani's house around 8 pm.

Valeska ready to go and spend a week with Nina and Nino
 Freddy and I went and ran our last few errands We came home and watched the last few episodes of TrueBlood season 3 (cliche I know).

Freddy watching TrueBlood
I could not sleep. Even though I was exhausted I wasn't able to eat or drink anything after midnight. So, that meant nasty acid reflux monster had a hay day with me. So sleeping, was out of the question.

Freddy slept for a few hours and then at 3am I woke him up and started getting ready. And by this I do mean that I did curl my hair, put on make up and the night before I made sure I shaved my legs. I am a bit vain yes, but at least if I am going to go in to major surgery, I might as well look good. LOL. 
I had to keep waking Freddy up. He was quite the sleepy head. Eventually we were all done and ready to go.
Last preggo pic
We packed up the pillows, boppy, bags and paperwork in the car and off we went at 4 am.  I was quite thirsty so we stopped and got some water (btw, this is a big no no).

We arrived at UMC at 4:20 am. We had to into the the emergency room entrance because that is the only entrance open at this time. This is when it really hit that we live in a city that borders the most violent city in the world right now. We walk in and are instantly greeted by an armed security guard and a metal detector. That was interesting. He asked why we were there and we told him we were there to have a baby. Freddy got stopped in the detector because of his jewelry (that's right ladies and gents we go all out here. lmao). We get through and he calls for the orderly to bring me a wheelchair. I tell him very politely that I am not in labor but we are there for our scheduled c-section and I can walk up. He starts to tell us the way and when we get into the hall someone else stops us (at this point I feel like we shouldn't be there and we are doing something bad) and asks what are we doing there. We tell this guy that we are there to have a baby and need to get up to the labor and delivery ward. He tells me that I need a wheelchair. Again, I say I am not in labor but there for my scheduled c-section that I would like to walk. This is against hospital policy I guess (pregnant women can't walk?).

So, he gets the wheelchair and off we go. I am not so sure why but I hate being wheeled around when I am perfectly (well not so perfectly because of the SPD) capable of walking myself.  We get to the labor and delivery ward and I am wheeled right past the registration desk and Freddy is stopped. I tell the orderly to stop that I need to register and they tell me I HAVE to go into triage (even though for the umpteenth time I tell them that I am NOT in labor) and Freddy can register me. So there I am sitting in triage doing absolutely nothing but sitting. I wait for about 15 minutes until all of my paperwork is done and brought back. Couldn't I have done this?

I get changed into my oh so fancy and high class hospital gown and sit with the take-in nurse. I sign the paperwork saying that I understand the risks with the c-section and also my tubal ligation. I am asked multiple times if I want the tubal ligation. I of course, say yes every time. I watch as the nurse gets all of my IV supplies and whatnots together. At this point I am thinking I should be nervous but I am not. I just desperately want Freddy by my side. I am feeling a little lonely.

I get taken to my "recovery" room and have the monitors put on, the IV put in, bp checked, pulse checked and all that other good stuff. Freddy comes in and I couldn't be happier. He though looks completely terrified. I think it really hit him seeing me in the bed and my fancy gown and all my fabulous accessories.

It is almost like the first time you wake up together after a really good nights sleep (like, um what did I get myself into?) Once the nurse leaves he gives me a kiss and sits in the chair.  He starts to doze off as we still have about another hour and a half before Dr. S arrives.  I start bumping and checking facebook on my Nook.

The nurses come in and out with no real rhyme or reason. I get asked a bazillion questions. This is when I found out the 3 or 4 swallows of water I had was a no no. I am not to have ANYTHING in my stomach for at least 8 hours. She decides to dismiss it though not after giving me the third degree. The anesthesiologist comes in and discusses with me the procedure and I ask him not to knock me out last time. He asked me why they did that and I can only give the same answer I give everyone, I just don't know. He promises not sleepy time for this go around. I am very happy about this.

Eventually before we really even know it is 7 am and we are told that Dr. S is on her way and that we will probably start in about 15 minutes. OMG!!! This is really going to happen isn't it? Again, I am not nervous like I thought I would be.

It's show time!! They lay down the bed, put on my cap, get Freddy into his scrubs and mask and they wheel me away. Now I feel like I am in a tv show where they are in the hospital and they are angling the camera to look up at the ceiling to give the look at the patients perspective.  It is bit surreal to me. They leave Freddy outside of the OR unit and wheel me into a very large and quite nice operating room. I was very surprised that it felt quite comfortable in there.

I really want Freddy with me at this point. I think nerves are hitting me? I am not quite sure I just know that I want my rock with me.

The get me on the operating table and I sit up to get the spinal. The comments on my tattoos are buzzing around the room. I guess I should be proud. LOL

They start the process of the spinal and this is the part that has to be the worst for me. I am bending over and the nurse is holding me. I can feel the pinch and pressure in my spine and I start my humming (I always hum and moan when I am in pain, a nice distraction method. The more pain, the louder I am). I then start shaking and I try so hard not to. The pressure is just too much and then WHAM! Shear, sharp, excruciating pain down the right side of my back. I start screaming. I am asked what is wrong and I can barely scream out that I have pain in my back on the right side. It is like someone took my muscles and cut them. The anesthesiologist who is watching over the procedure tell the one doing it to go to the left. I feel better but now I can't stop shaking and I am terrified I will feel that again. I cry and the nurse tries so hard to calm me (bless her heart). I want so bad to yell stop and tell Freddy to come in. But, I am alone and still have to get the damn spinal in.

Here we go again, I feel the pressure and I control my shaking as much as possible. He pushes and then WHAM! White light again and utterly devastating pain on my left side this time. WTF!!! I scream like I did last time and tell them it is on my left and feels like a knife blade digging in to my lower left back. He stops and goes back to the middle. Finally! I feel the warm heat take over.  I am now becoming very numb and I lay down. I calm myself down. I am shaking uncontrollably but I knew this was a side effect of the spinal.

I get my catheter place, other IV meds, more gorgeous accessories put on my chest, arm and finger. The poles go up and so does the shield. Freddy now comes in and I couldn't be happier. My rock is finally with me. He has the look of a scared little kitten on his face but he is still my rock.

He sits down next to me and we start. We're starting?! ok. Let's rock and roll!!

Freddy gets huge eyes and I tell him not to do that. I knew they cut me open right at that moment. I can feel the tugging and pulling and I just keep looking at Freddy. Then Dr. S asks the anesthesiologist to push on my chest. Dacian was so high up under my chest that Dr.S had to pull and the anesthesiologist had to push down on my ribs so hard that I couldn't breathe. OMG! The pressure hurt so bad.

"Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" Dacian is then born. 7:52 am. He screams his head off with a very healthy cry. Freddy goes over and takes pictures. I have yet to see him. I am crying because I am so happy and I have yet to see him.

Eventually I get to see him after they clean him up. I am so happy that Freddy got to experience him first again though. Something special just for him.

Dacian Marek-Sani G. 6-13-11 7:52am 7lbs 14oz 19 3/4". My lovely chunky monkey.

Then he is whisked away with Freddy to the nursery and I am left to get put back together. It takes a while because I have a lot of scar tissue from the previous c-section I guess. I trust Dr. S.  I am eventually wheeled off to my recovery room and I wait.

Not too long (or at least I think) Freddy is back. Dacian is being taken care of in the nursery and Freddy shows me all the pictures he took. :D I can't wait to hold him!!

We wait and wait and then about 3 1/2 hours later I am taken to my post-partum room. We get set up there and wait. I get checked out by the nurses (which are absolutely sweet btw) and I ask my nurse when I can have my baby in the room. She says she is going to go get him right now. We wait very anxiously.

About 15 minutes later they bring in our baby boy. I still can't believe it is real. He is here. The one kicking me, giving me acid reflux. The one who I was so afraid to love and connect with. He is here and my heart couldn't be more overjoyed.
The funny thing about being a parent is that you think you give 100%  of your love to your child. You can't fathom how on earth you will ever find enough love for the new addition. It isn't possible. And then all of a sudden your heart grows (kind of like the Grinch) 100x's it's size and you don't know how you could ever NOT love this new bundle. You love each child with the power of the sun and yet you don't know how you could do it. It is an amazing thing.

Here he is. The one who stole my heart yet again.

We have a few hours to ourselves. Just Freddy, Dacian and I. It is perfect. We take him in with each breath and sigh. WE touch him, smell him, observe him. It's almost as if he was never a dream but real and with us the whole time.

We attempt breast feeding and he latches on for dear life. It all goes just so perfectly.  He is a calm, mellow baby just as I thought he would be. He is just too perfect.

A couple of hours later Sani brings Valeska to see her new brother. I couldn't wait to show him off.

We visit for a few hours and then they leave. A couple of hours later Freddy's mother and twin brother come. They visit for a little bit and we are left alone again.  We are all so very happy but also very tired ( and me, I am starting to hurt). 

*I did not post pictures of the other people in order for them to remain annoymous. This is our story and not theirs*

Off to sleep we go, even if only for a little bit. It has been a magical wonderful day and one that I know we will never forget.
My family is complete in a way that I never knew hadn't been. The void that was invisible to us is now filled. The joys and happiness of parenthood are expounded that much more. I love my children equally with the whole of my soul. I am  not sure how that is possible, all I know is that it is. Valeska and Dacian are the physical manifestation of my mine and Freddy's love for each other. Our outward expression to the world of our devotion and commitment to each other. They are the next generation of our blood lines and will carry on what we show them.  This is the next step in our lives and I am looking foreward to each and every moment wether agonzing and joyful. This is the day that started our lives all over again.


  1. You guys are abso-farkin-lutely the most amazing, beautiful family on the face of this big, blue marble!! And you are simply an amazing human being. Much as I loath the little geek who is getting SO rich from FB I will forever be grateful to him and all the computer geeks everywhere that they have enabled me to get to know, even if only in the cyber realm, wonderful folks like you guys. You restore hope in an old cynic's heart and recharge my batteries to fight against the powers that be.
    Happy Birthday Dacian!!!

    dave palmer

  2. I love the way you describe it as starting your lives all over again. I feel like I definitely have a new lease on life, and a new purpose now.

    Your family is SO beautiful.

    Sorry to hear you had such trouble with the spinal. I thought it was bad when she jabbed a bone trying to get the epidural in, but it doesn't sound anywhere NEAR as excruciating as that!

  3. Great birth story! I really love the part about how your heart grows bigger to love each child. I can tell Dacian looks like you =)