When I found out I was pregnant I knew adamantly that I wanted to be a "crunchy" mom. I knew I wanted to cloth diaper, breastfeed, make my own baby food, yadda yadda yadda.
Now that I am getting closer to actually having him I am rethinking all of my choices except one, cloth diapering. That I will do, hands down, no questions. I am however debating this breastfeeding thing.
I do know that it is supposed to be better for the baby and that our bodies make milk for a reason. But, I can't seem to get over the hump of I just simply don't want to. I want my body for myself. I don't want to be a human pacifier, or attached t o a pump like a cow or figure out when I can or cannot go out because baby needs tit. I also want Freddy and Valeska to bond with him as well and not just changing diapers. How would you feel if the only bonding time you get is when you clean poo of your baby's arse? If I were a husband/father I would begin to resent the mother. I would feel left out and pretty much useless. That is not fair.
I am also not that comfortable with my body. I don't like how breastfeeding and pregnancy has made my breasts look. I know they will look different when I am 60, but I am not 60! I don't like the idea of trying to be intimate with my spouse and leaking or possibly letting down. That is just ewey and I am sure Freddy would not appreciate that very much. So if we aren't intimate because of this it means no whoopy for 12 months? I don't think that will fly over very well with the hubs.
I also don't want to have to try and figure out where I will feed my child in public. Go you if you are the type of mother that can just whip it out wherever and I admire you for that but I just can't seem to get myself to do that.
Reading more and more I find that it actually is quite difficult to breastfeed. You have to worry about cracked nipples, proper latch, building a supply (which only happens when you are a human pacifier btw), making sure you have a foremilk/hindmilk balance (WTH?) and a myriad of other issues.
What kind of support can anyone give a breastfeeding mother that is frustrated other than "take a deep breath and keep trudging forward". Well that is a bunch of bs to me because if I am in pain or frustrated with the process no pep talk is going to help. I would rather you offer your tit to my kid and let me sleep. I dont want nurses handling my breasts while in the hospital either. They did that with my other kids and I hated it! I also don't need you staring at my nips while I try to put it in my childs mouth that doesn't seem to want it but will take a bottle nipple much easier.
Breastfeeding with a c-section is a bitch! Plain and simple. It hurts too damn much. I don't think I want to deal with that again. I just have major surgery and you want a child to suck on my tit while I am trying not to cry from the pain???
I also want to diet to loose all of this damn baby weight too right after. With breastfeeding I can't do that. I want a shot of patron and a corona as well and I can't do that. I want my coffee and monsters and I can't do that. All I can do is have my tits at the ready for him night and day. Sounds a lot like slavery to me.
I could be all wrong in this. I just don't see the magic of it all. I didn't bond any closer with Valeska the 2 months I breastfed her (which was hell btw) then I did bottlefeeding her.
Please feel free to comment and give me your insight. I haven't fully made up my mind about this and can be swayed one way or another. This is just my truth at this point in time.