what nots and wheres hows

No real super exciting news to report from here. It's been a slightly busy week. Had a good Eostre with Valeska. We colored eggs and she found them in the morning. We lounged about all day until Freddy came home. Then we lounged some more.

Took Valeska for a dental check up on Tuesday. Found out she has one cavity thanks to Freddy and all of his enabling of sweets.

Emotional Rollercoaster

You just might think that I would write about another "episode" of depression. Actually, i'm not. Today was such a wonderful day in so many ways.

I woke up in an absolutely wonderful mood. I had an eclair and milk for breakfast (shut up as if you never did that when you were pregnant). I hopped onto The Bump. Decided to write a bit of my mommy history (as pointed out below) for those who were asking. Then the responses started coming in. They began to inspire me. These wonderful women who are first time moms with all their fears and how they might deal with the darkest moments a mother could face. The wonderful moms who have more then one child that face the same fears. It connected us, and I was thankful that I could be a kismet friend to the one who inspired me to write it.

31 weeks

Today I am 31 weeks pregnant. It seems like FOREVER to get to this point. Had a great doctor's appointment today. We made the final decision to go for a VBAC. This is the best option for me. I don't see any reason this can't be successful. I am happy yet scared at the same time. Though I am not sure (honestly) which scares me more. A VBAC or a repeat C/S.

A better week

It is kind of nice not keeping such a dark secret anymore. Now that more people know I don't have to pretend as much. That is a huge load off my shoulders. I don't have "act" happy when I am not. It is definately a relief.

Freddy has been extremely supportive though he doesn't even really know how to deal with it. He is trying and that is the best that he can do. I do love him dearly.

Some Clarification

I appreciate all the out pouring of support since I wrote the last post. I would like to make it clear that I did not decide to take anyone on my journey in hopes of getting pity. I wrote it to HELP other pregnant women. To let them know that it is ok. That they are not alone. This is a soul baring and very difficult thing for me. I will write things that you wont agree with, that you will judge me for and that you will think is irrational. And, they are irrational feelings. That is EXACTLY what depression does to you. It makes things that you know you wouldn't feel normally into something completely irrational. I know this. But, when the beast consumes you,  you fixate. That is what it has done to me. So, now I will go into things deeper so maybe those who aren't there, might be able to understand just a little bit more.

Pregnancy Depression

I was really hesitant about writing down my feelings. I didn't think people would care or would just think that I am being "hormonal". Hell, I even thought that. But, in talking with another fellow bumpy I realize that this could really help. Not only myself  but maybe someone else who might feel alienated due to her feelings. So, here I go.

Finished (almost) Nursery

Just need to finish painting doors, put up vinyl wall decal and put in the diaper pail. I have put the changing pad on the dresser, just no pics with it.

All furniture is upcycled in the room except the crib and mattress.

Breast feeding vs. Formula feeding

When I found out I was pregnant I knew adamantly that I wanted to  be a "crunchy" mom. I knew I wanted to cloth diaper, breastfeed, make my own baby food, yadda yadda yadda.

Now that I am getting closer to actually having him I am rethinking all of my choices except one, cloth diapering. That I will do, hands down, no questions. I am however debating this breastfeeding thing.

Treasure (toy) Chest

Here is my gorgeous upcycled cedar chest. 2 coats of paint, treasure map material and 2 hours later I got exactly what I was wanting.

Treasure Map Blanket and Burp Cloths

No Pirate Prince would be set to sail the 7 seas (or dreams) without their trusty treasure map. Dacian is no different. Today I made him a treasure map blanket and 4 burp cloths.

Decorating Updates

Here is the beginning of my wall. I have also started the fireplace (mind you I cannot paint the walls at this time). I will hopefully have the big 12' shelf  on another wall finished by next weekend. :D

I need to add a ton more frames, candle holders and the branches. At least I have a start. (Sorry for the crooked picture, makes everything look lopsided)